- A Great Spouse (or Partner):
- Shows a spouse unconditional love and
support.
- Shows the children unconditional love and
support -- including the spouse's children.
- Is there.
- Doesn't trash spouse or children to friends
or relatives.
- Considers spouse a friend. Treats spouse and
children as well as or better than other friends.
- Wants spouse
to be happy. Doesn't assume all responsibility for spouse's happiness, but
supports and encourages it.
- Does not
subtly sabotage spouse's efforts to learn, mature and excel.
- Keeps all promises.
- Appreciates spouse, and tells spouse so on a
daily basis.
- Feels good about self, and/or works on
self-awareness and self-improvement.
- Makes effort to understand and resolve past
issues, anger, grief and disappointments so that they don't sabotage current relationship.
- Recognizes that accommodation and
compromising are two-way streets.
- Isn't a doormat -- knows when to say
"Enough's enough."
- Makes time for daily loving rituals.
- Communicates honestly and effectively. Takes
time to clear up miscommunications before they fester.
- Praises spouse daily, and tries to avoid
stonewalling, unfair criticism, contempt, avoidance, etc.
- Knows how to listen -- not always to fix
things, but sometimes just to be supportive.
- Knows how to resolve conflicts in a friendly
and effective way. Doesn't harp on old issues or keep a list of mistakes. Doesn't try to
"win" arguments, but instead to resolve them.
- Is actively interested in what the spouse is
doing or wants to do.
- Gives spouse time to do important personal
things like visiting, working out, writing, reading or dreaming.
- Doesn't engage in destructive habits -- such
as drinking too much, drug abuse, stealing, adultery, physical or sexual abuse, etc.
- Keeps in touch with ongoing changes in family
and spouse.
- Accepts spouse's foibles and doesn't
"sweat the small stuff." Learns how to accommodate.
- Recognizes that men and women
handle things differently and doesn't punish spouse for
doing so.
- Works hard to make up after arguing -- and to
repair any misunderstandings.
- Apologizes for mistakes.
- Makes frequent romantic gestures - and makes
time together without the children.
- Hangs in there when the going gets tough, and
finds new ways to communicate, trust and love.
- Can be trusted to
tactfully tell the truth and to not
lie or "mislead."
- Is considerate of spouse, and works hard to
satisfy spouse's needs and desires.
- Doesn't wait for things to be done for
him/her, but gets up to help, share the workload and participate.
- Approaches relationship in a positive,
helpful way. Avoids negative, critical communications.
- Gets involved in fun activities with spouse.
Laughs with spouse and children.
- Balances work and home life effectively.
- Values the relationship enough to make a
personal change -- even a tough personal change -- if it will help the relationship and/or
family.
- Involves spouse in life goals and family
decisions.
- Views the marriage or relationship as a
lifetime partnership.
- Takes time to appreciate the value of life's
blessings and to give thanks every day.
