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Helping Your Child's Teachers and Caregivers

(reading, mathematics, communication, morality, safety, about the body, finance, formal education)

Here are a few suggestions for helping the people who look after and educate your children. If you have anything to add, please let us know!

Meet the teachers. Before handing your child over to new teachers, seize opportunities to meet them, talk with them and find out their personalities and personal philosophies. Find out their preferences for running their class -- and work out any differences beforehand. Then, stay in touch (don't harass them, but do keep lines of communication open). Not only will this show the teacher you care about your child's school experience, but you'll be in a good position to guide your child throughout the school year.

Make sure your child is prepared -- emotionally, physically and mentally:

	Make sure your child has had enough sleep (particularly tricky but no less important when they're teen-agers).
	Make sure your child doesn't leave the house without a nutritious breakfast, water to drink throughout the day and some kind of plan for nutritious snacks and lunch.
	Try to not rush your child through the morning -- get everyone up in time to be relaxed and happy.
	Get your children to school on time so they have time to settle in. Pick them up on time after school so they don't feel forgotten or neglected.
	Make sure your children (not you!) have done the homework, read the material, studied for the test, and finished the project. You can help them learn, but the more homework you do for them, the less capable they will be in class, and the less prepared they will be to advance to the next lesson.
	Make sure they have the supplies they need, and if you can't afford something, speak to the teacher or administrators before the supplies are required. Often, help can be provided. Remember that your ego should take a backseat to your child's self-esteem.
	Don't forget to have your child's eyes tested. Research indicates that children with vision problems (such as nearsightedness, farsightedness, or dyslexia) that go undetected and/or uncorrected can have learning and/or behavior problems. Signs of vision problems can include some or all of the following: squinting, closing or covering one eye, sitting close to the TV, holding books very close, headaches, nausea, dizziness, clumsiness, tilting head, daydreaming, rubbing eyes, distractibility, reluctance to look at letters or numbers, inability to notice things, losing place in book, using finger to mark place in book, difficulty in learning to read.

Listen to the teachers. Whether or not you agree with a teacher's interpretation of a particular incident or problem, you owe it to the teacher to at least hear him or her out. Try to listen with an open mind and without interrupting. After all, you weren't there, and children don't always remember things the way they happened. Then, if you still feel something else needs to be said or done, calmly follow through.

Give the teacher a chance. Don't rush to pull your child out of a class, to criticize a teacher or to try to get your child into a particular class or assignment. Talk with the teachers first to find out if they can contribute something to your understanding of the situation. But if your gut (or your child) tells you there is a problem -- even if you can't articulate it -- take it seriously and do something about it.

If you schedule a teacher-parent conference, make sure you show up on time and be ready to talk. Teacher-parent conferences are important to you and your child. Don't let them take a backseat to other activities or hobbies. Try to leave other children at home, make sure both parents are there, and deal with the meeting in a professional manner. Make a list before you go of all the things you want to discuss, and try to not get sidetracked in topics that aren't pertinent to your child or that can't be dealt with by the teacher. Be quiet and listen to what's being said. Remember that the conversation is (usually) not about you -- it's about your child, your child's well-being and your child's education. Try to not be defensive. Ask follow-up questions and ask for specific examples of what gets said. Be there physically, not just in spirit (no cell-phone calls, no siblings, no leaving early, no coming in late, no fighting with your spouse). Bring a notepad with you so that you can keep track of what is said and done. Don't yell, don't accuse, don't storm off. If you have questions following the conference, write them down and follow up with an administrator. If you feel you didn't get a complete picture, press for more information. Here are some good questions to ask: "How does my child work? How does my child play with others? Can my child share? Who does my child connect with? Can we get phone numbers for children that my child seems to like? How well does my child follow instructions? How does my child participate in class discussions? Is my child polite and well-mannered with you, with other adults and with other children? How well does my child handle conflicts with others? What are my child's strengths? What can we help work on at home?"

Try to work things out with the teacher before going elsewhere. If there's a problem or misunderstanding, try to work things out with the teacher in question before going over his or her head. It's possible you don't understand a situation, and some calm communication will clear everything up with no embarrassment to anyone. When you talk with the teacher, try to approach the discussion from the attitude that you need to learn something -- this will help keep everything calm. Bring a notepad to keep track of what was said. If you do end up talking to the principal, make sure you let the teacher know when everything is resolved.

Don't keep secrets about your child's welfare. If there's something happening at home that affects your child's performance or welfare, do let the teacher know. Don't be embarrassed -- teachers have heard it all, and they would rather be informed and prepared than to be dealing blindly with a child who is troubled. And if one of the parents no longer has the right to pick up a child, make sure the teacher, the front desk and the principal all know.

Don't interrupt the classroom. After you leave your child, don't interrupt later unless it's a critical situation. Interruptions disrupt your child, the classroom and the teacher's schedule. If you do need to return, check with the office or front desk first to find out how best to do it. And when dropping off your child, don't stop to chat with the teacher. Brief hellos are good, but lengthy conversations or discussions should wait for a time when the teacher isn't preoccupied with readying the class.

Unless the teacher has approved it, don't call him or her at home. Teachers have a home life and they deserve to have it. Keep all communications on a professional level and within normal school hours unless the teacher specifies otherwise.

Volunteer if you can. Chaperone field trips, help in the classroom, bring books or activities, offer materials that apply to classroom lessons, volunteer for the PTA, offer to read stories to the children, bring in special snacks. Your help will be appreciated -- just make sure you check with the teacher beforehand. If you do offer to help, be enthusiastic and on time. Being late, not showing up at all, or coming with a negative attitude will not help the teacher or the students.

Show appreciation. Your children's teachers have a tough job, and a little stroking will help. Tell them you appreciate them and their hard work -- and if you feel particularly strongly about it, send a letter to the teacher with a copy to the principal, superintendent or school board. You also can nominate the teacher for a Teacher of the Year award.

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