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Tips for Parents of Teen-agers

Make sure your teen has someone else to talk to
Tell your teen what you think
Don't dismiss complaints from your teen
Lots of Teens Are Just Fine
You're Still the Boss: Don't Give up On Your Struggling Teen
Be Wary of "Boot Camps" or "Youth Ranches" for Troubled Teens
Make Sure Your Teen Gets Enough Positive, Undivided Attention
Make Sure Your Teen is Getting Enough Sleep
Acne Drug May Cause Birth Defects and Mental Illness
Young Adults Should Know
Communicating With Your Teen
Go Straight to Links

Make sure your teen has someone else to talk to: Make sure your teen has a doctor both of you trust, and that a working professional relationship has been established between them. If your teen wants to switch doctors, meet the new doctor to make sure you are comfortable with the change. Make sure your teen has confidants other than you (such as extended family, a religious leader, school counselor, and family friends). If you feel that others are leading your teen down a dangerous path, however, don't be afraid to step in. Your teen still needs your protection.

Tell your teen what you think: Studies show that teens are less likely to smoke, drink, do drugs and engage in premarital sex if their parents clearly tell them not to. Talk to your teens honestly and frankly. Provide them with the appropriate information that they need, and be careful to keep the lines of communication open. Does your teen appear to not be listening? Sometimes teens will appear to be shrugging off what you have to say when they are really just trying to appear cool. If you don't say anything because you assume they won't listen, you are leaving them in the lurch.

Don't dismiss complaints from your teen: Does your teen have stomach aches, headaches, sleep problems, waking up problems? Take complaints seriously -- they might indicate a physical, social or emotional problem. Ask your teen, and then listen. This is your opportunity to find out what's really happening. If your instincts tell you that something is not right, don't just chalk it up to teen angst. Listen to your gut, and press for more information or for outside help.

We don't think all teens are troubled: Parents and teen-agers should know that we don't think that the majority of teens are bad or likely to get into trouble. We believe most teens are fun, helpful, interesting, full of enthusiasm, and responsible. But the teen years can be troubled times for some, and we want to make sure that the teens and families who do need help and support -- can find it here.

You're Still the Boss: Don't give up on your struggling teen: The results of some surveys of teen-agers reflect a dismay that their parents seem to "give up on them" when they hit adolescence. Some parents back away from their sons and daughters, believing that they need "space" or room to rebel. Some parents even allow their children to experiment with smoking, drugs or sex, believing that they will do it anyway. But many teens are puzzled or troubled by this sudden extra space they're given. "It's like they don't care anymore," was how one teen put it. "I don't understand why they don't know I'm having sex," said another. We suggest you not view adolescence much differently than any other year. Your teens no longer need a diaper change, true, but now, more than ever, they need love, guidance, discipline, training in problem-solving, attention, fun time with you, quiet time with you, hugs, praise, and discussions about troublesome topics. Having a problem communicating? Don't let it fester. See the Safer Child pages on communication for more.

Be wary of "boot camps" or "youth ranches" for troubled teens: We urge caution when choosing a "boot camp" or "youth ranch" for a troubled teen. Standards for these places vary wildly, and some of them are dangerous. Teen-agers have died in poorly run facilities. The Government Accountability Office (GAO) issued a report in 2007 on these camps: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-10-10-boot-camps_N.htm Speak to police, social services, and the Better Business Bureau before sending your teen to a particular facility. For help with your teen, check with your local Department of Health or Department of Health and Welfare for suggestions and ideas. This book tells a story of a family that refused to give up on a struggling teen: A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression by Gary E. Nelson

Make sure your teen gets enough positive, undivided attention: While you don't have to worry about them accidentally eating the poinsettia, you do have to know whom they're with and what they're doing. You still need to make sure they're getting proper nutrition (don't allow them to consistently set the rules for where, when or what to eat!) and that they're getting enough sleep (don't allow them to set the bedtime!).

You still want to regularly set aside special time so you can talk and play together. You might not be able to play with toys, but you can play board games, bake or cook, try on makeup or learn to fix a car, go shopping, decorate a bedroom together, attend a ballgame or concert, learn a new language together -- or go camping, hiking, bungee jumping, swimming, horseback riding... Other ideas:

	Together, start a paid or volunteer community service: pet sitting, lawn mowing, window washing, gardening, etc.
	Set up space for a garden and plant a garden together
	Together, produce a home video or neighborhood play
	Together, put on a fun fair for younger children in the community
	Together, learn a skill you always wanted to have: CPR, lifeguard training, auto mechanics, hair styling, quilt making, Web site design, painting, sculpting, etc.
	Visit Parents: The Anti-Drug for more suggestions

The list is endless. Be creative. Remember, once the lines of communication come down, it's tough to get them back up again.

Sleep/Obstructive Sleep Apnea Syndrome May Lead to Behavior Problems: Some researchers are suggesting that children, and especially teen-agers, don't get enough sleep and that many of the problems addressed by pediatricians might have a basis in the children being overtired (including possibly hyperactivity, illnesses or depression). Difficulty in school might also be traced to sleep deprivation, they say. From elementary to high school, kids need nine to 11 hours of sleep a night.

A good way to tell if your child is sleep-deprived is to judge his behavior while awake - is he alert, energetic and motivated? - and also to judge how easily he wakes up in the morning. If he constantly needs an alarm clock, if he needs to sleep in, if he needs a cold shower to wake up - he's probably not getting enough sleep. Catching up on the weekend doesn't work well, say experts, because the body doesn't use that kind of rest as well. It also throws the natural body rhythm off, making it harder for the child to fall asleep at a regular time during the week.

For more on sleep, see the National Sleep Foundation, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, or the American Sleep Apnea Association. You can also visit the Safer Child Sleep Issues page.

Accutane mass mailing warns of possibility of birth defects and mental illness (Jan 2001): The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has details on its site of a mass mailing issued by the makers of the acne drug Accutane, which warns of the possibility of birth defects -- and mental illnesses serious enough to cause suicidal thoughts. If your child is taking Accutane for acne, make sure you're aware of the risks.

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