Self-Assessment --

Do You Need Counseling, and/or to Make A Change?

These warning signs have been adapted from various sources, including National CASA Association, the State of Idaho (Idaho Department of Health & Welfare, Family and Children's Services), and others.

Instructions for Self-Assessment Test

It's OK to seek counseling, and you don't need to be wealthy to do it.

If you know of someone who needs help...

Are you suffering from postpartum depression?

What Were You Taught as a Child?

Our Thoughts on What Children Need to Grow Up Happy and Confident

Take the Self-Assessment Test

Instructions: Check the behaviors and attitudes that are familiar to you, and add any others. No one is completely free of them, but if you check several or all -- or if your situation makes you uncomfortable -- carefully reconsider your circumstances and/or consider obtaining counseling. Not all behaviors/attitudes need to be present for your situation to be unhealthy for you or your children. A detrimental situation doesn't have to involve physical or sexual abuse. Sometimes an inability to communicate effectively can irreparably damage family relationships. (See the Safer Child Communication page for more.) So listen to your gut: If you need help, please seek it immediately.

It's OK to Get Counseling: It's not just OK to get counseling; sometimes it can drastically improve life for you and your family. Unresolved past or current issues have a knack for continually rearing their heads in confusing, frightening, unhelpful or even dangerous ways. Counseling can't make bad history disappear, but it might help you better understand and cope more effectively. Don't think you need to be wealthy to obtain quality counseling. Most communities have resources available to people of all income levels. Don't wait. For your sake, and for the sake of your children, seek help now.

And if you know of someone who's in need of intervention, please either encourage that person to get help from a trained professional -- or if the person is a child, call the police or your state's protective services. You can do this anonymously (and you should know that, by U.S. law, anyone who suspects that a child is being abused must report it). Remember, it's hard for an abused person to leave, or sometimes to even recognize that help is needed. Please don't turn your back.

Are you suffering from postpartum depression? If you've given birth within the last year and are suffering some of the symptoms below, consider taking a look at the Safer Child Postpartum Depression page. You might be suffering from an undiagnosed case.

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Signs and Symptoms:

Self-Esteem:

_____    Feeling as though you're bad, good for nothing, or defective

_____    Rarely believing good things you hear or read

_____    Needing to try harder or do better to make up for feeling bad or no good

_____    Regularly feeling down, depressed, sad or "blue"

_____    Self-cutting, self-abusive, or self-destructive behavior

 

Sexual Behaviors:

_____    Afraid of or not interested in sex

_____    Problems responding to partner

_____    Difficulties getting/being aroused

_____    Lack of sexual satisfaction with current or previous partner(s)

_____    Problems having orgasms

_____    Not liking your body parts or sexual parts

_____    Confusing sex with love

_____    Having very strong reactions to certain sex acts

_____    Feeling like sex is "dirty"

_____    Sexualizing all relationships

_____    Mixing sex, affection, anger, power, and violence

_____    Feeling "out-of-body" during sex

 

General Behaviors:

_____    Dreams or night terrors of being sexually assaulted

_____    Blocking out some time periods in early years

_____    Fear of being alone in the dark

_____    Sensitive to gagging or swallowing

_____    Unexplained anxiety attacks, bouts of crying, or fearfulness

 

Depressive Behaviors:

_____    Sleeping more than usual (or difficulty in sleeping)

_____    Excessive and unexplained fatigue

_____    Unexplained aches and pains

_____    Excessive alcohol and/or drug use, excessive smoking

_____    Overeating or not eating enough

_____    Difficulty concentrating, difficulty remembering, or difficulty making decisions

_____    Persistent negativity, sadness and/or cynicism

_____    Irritability, anxiousness, restlessness and/or anger

_____    Sense of guilt or worthlessness

_____    Hopeless attitude toward being truly happy

_____    Pessimism or indifference to consequences or the future

_____    Loss of interest and/or joy in family, friends, and/or activities that once gave pleasure

_____    Prolonged desire to be left alone

_____    Recurrent thoughts or conversation about death (requires immediate medical attention!)

 

Abusive/Addictive Behaviors

_____    Promiscuity

_____    Prostitution

_____    Drug/Alcohol abuse or addiction

_____    Compulsive/Addictive sexual behaviors

_____    Eating disorders (eating too much or not eating enough)

 

Boundary Problems:

_____    Fear of losing control

_____    Telling all

_____    Being sexually compulsive

_____    Having trouble stating needs, wants, and feelings

_____    Letting others walk all over you

_____    Talking on a close level on the first meeting

_____    Letting people go on too long doing or saying something that bothers you before stopping them

_____    Accepting food, gifts, touches, sex, and so on that you don't want

_____    Wearing too much or too little clothing for the time of the year

 

Assertiveness and Self-Care

_____    Giving in a lot; not standing up for yourself; excessive worrying about others' feelings

_____    Aggressive behavior; bullying

_____    Becoming an abuser

_____    Feeling as though others dump on you or take advantage of you

_____    Telling people what they want to hear, rather than what you think

_____    Excusing other people's bad behavior; trying too hard to see things from their perspective

_____    Inability to be happy unless others are content

_____    Feelings of being overwhelmed by lack of space, privacy, or attention

_____    Giving too much without receiving from others

 

Relationships:

_____    Choosing abusive partners over and over

_____    Becoming physically violent or verbally abusive when upset

_____    Putting trust in the wrong people

_____    Choosing partners who make you feel needed

_____    Becoming a martyr in the relationship

_____    Excusing the other person and blaming yourself for things that hurt you

_____    Always being understanding and forgiving

_____    Feeling isolated and lonely in the relationship

_____    Clinging

_____    Experiencing trouble trusting your own reactions, thoughts, and feelings

_____    Not expressing your needs and wants

_____    Rigid controlling of partner

 

Anger and Rage:

_____    Fear of becoming enraged

_____    Constant feelings of anger or rage that are overdone or inappropriate

_____    Ongoing abusiveness toward others

_____    Manipulative behavior instead of direct behavior toward others

_____    Cycles of anger and then helplessness/depression

_____    Anger toward all men or all women

_____    Sadomasochism that is based on feelings of anger, control, or power

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