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Preventing
Abuse of a Child
Never, never, never shake a baby or
child. It's normal to become frustrated, but you must find ways to express your
frustration without hurting the child. Here are a few suggestions for preventing abuse and
neglect during an acutely stressful situation.
Teach
your child to respect the word "stop!"
Teach your preschooler that "stop" means "stop," and that your child has the
right to stop people from touching his or her body. Obviously, exceptions will
have to be made for doctors and parents, but even parents must listen when a
child doesn't want to be tickled or hugged anymore. Reinforcing this excellent
lesson gives your child the power to recognize (and to stop) "bad touching" if it should
happen.
Safer Child's What Makes for a Great
Spouse?
Postpartum Depression
Preventing Physical Abuse In
your home:
It's not unusual for parents to occasionally lose their
temper when dealing with a crying baby or cranky toddler. But shaking a baby or child can
cause Shaken Baby Syndrome. Additionally, spanking a child when
you're angry can lead to an out-of-control situation. It's best to step back and leave
discipline for when you're able to do it calmly and lovingly. Meanwhile, make sure you're
prepared to handle those occasions when you do lose your temper.
 | Be prepared. Have a plan for what to do in the case of acute
stress. Keep something handy on which you can expend excess energy (for example, a pillow,
cloth diaper, etc.) This will help keep you from getting caught off guard. |
| Teach your children -- from the time they're old
enough to understand language -- that "no" means "no." If they don't want to
be tickled, hugged, stroked or patted, they're allowed to make the activity
stop. All they have to do is say "no" or "stop" and the activity has to stop
immediately.
It goes for them, it goes for you, it goes for family members, friends, and
pets. Teaching them this very simple step from an early age -- and making sure
that everyone follows it without fail -- helps to give your children the tools they need to
recognize people who don't accept the "no" or the "stop." |
| If you find yourself having thoughts of harming yourself
and/or your baby -- or you're wondering if you're depressed or "going crazy" --
you might be suffering from an undiagnosed case of postpartum depression. This condition
can be treated. See the Safer Child Postpartum Depression page
for help and more information. |
| Keep helpful numbers by your telephone, so that they're
there when you need them. Talk to someone you trust (a counselor, religious leader,
friend, neighbor, relative, abuse hot line or other professional). |
| Take 10 deep breaths (or however many it takes). Press your
lips together and breathe deeply. Splash cold water on your face.
Rub your skin with a lotion that smells pleasant and calming. Doodle on a pad
of paper, knead some modeling clay, or paint with your fingers. |
| If you find yourself losing control, STOP! Walk away. Moving
around can be very helpful because it can relieve tension
and raise levels of endorphins. Place the child in a safe place until you can calm down or
find some help. Walk around the room (dance, exercise,
jog in place, do jumping jacks, kicks, karate chops or punches, do some
stretching exercises or yoga, or punch some pillows).
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| Head into the bathroom, the
bedroom or the basement to clear your head and pull yourself together. It's okay to
let the baby cry a little, if all the baby's needs have been met. Do not, however, leave
the baby alone in the building. |
| Try to redirect the child's behavior into something
constructive. Do not ever spank a baby. Also avoid spanking a toddler or preschooler if
you're angry or frustrated (it can provoke a harmful or out-of-control situation. Experts
say many instances of abuse begin with a spanking that gets out-of-hand). |
| See the Safer Child Discipline page
for tips on how to discipline a child and prevent out-of-control situations |
| If the child is old enough (able to understand the
difference between good behavior and poor behavior), try a time-out. This can give
everyone time to calm down. If you're losing your temper, give yourself a time-out. |
| Can't figure out why you're testy or frustrated? Drink a
glass or two of water. If you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated, and dehydration makes
most people irritable. See the Safer Child Dehydration page for
more. |
| Ask yourself if you're asking too much of the child. Ask if
there have been major changes that are causing the child to misbehave. Ask yourself if
you're really angry at someone or something else. |
| Make sure the baby or child isn't tired, sick, hungry,
thirsty, worried, afraid, uncomfortable (from teething, gas, ear ache, clothing, etc.),
hot or cold, wearing a dirty diaper, etc. Call a medical professional for help. A child
who cries a lot might need medical attention. |
| Make sure your own needs have been met. Try to get enough
sleep, enough food, enough to drink. Try to take time for yourself when you can.
Make sure you are working out regularly. If you
never leave the house, you're likely to be tense and irritable. |
| Make sure the baby doesn't need to be burped.
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| Try to divert the child with a song, game, funny face,
pacifier or safe toy. |
| Speak to the child calmly, hold and cuddle the child, take
the child for a walk outside, or rock the child. |
| Laugh. Just start laughing in a goofy way, and eventually,
you might start laughing for real. It's weird, but this can help, even if you're laughing
somewhat hysterically. Sometimes you can get the child to laugh, too.
Talking to yourself can help too, as long as what you say isn't destructive to
you or the child. |
| If breastfeeding, check your diet for foods irritating to
the baby. |
| Remember that the child isn't trying to hurt you (children
really do want to please their parents). Remember that the child needs you to be calm and that it's
your job to set a good example. |
| Remember that usually, a baby's crying --
and a toddler or
preschooler's tantrums -- are normal consequences of their age. Don't take the occasional
crying jags or temper tantrums as a reflection of your parenting skills. |
| If you're frustrated over certain behaviors or skills --
such as toilet-training -- remember that all children learn at different rates. Keep a
sense of humor, don't push too hard, and don't take the child's mistakes as a reflection
on you. See the Safer Child Toilet Training page for more. |
| Write down your thoughts. Keep a journal. Write a book. |
| Pamper yourself. Play soft, soothing music; read a book;
take a bubble bath. Eat chocolate. Nibble on vegetables
or fruit. |
| Turn on the radio, vacuum cleaner, fan or television for a
(very) short time -- to cover the sound of the child crying.
Some people, however, find that too much noise can be overwhelming. If so,
turn off the television and the radio and hide your child's annoying toy. |
| Call a neighbor, relative or friend to help you. Call the
weather, or a store, or anyone who can help redirect your frustration. |
| If someone can watch the child, go to a movie, the
hairdressers, the mall. Take a short walk, a bicycle ride, a swim, a shopping trip.
Wash the car or mow the lawn. Fresh air and exercise can lift your mood. |
| When you have calmed down, go back to the child and try
again. |
| If you find yourself losing
control (or if you're fearful of losing control), don't be afraid to look into
parenting classes. Many communities have free classes (check with hospitals or
community agencies). Remember: No one is born knowing how to parent. Your love
for you child is innate, but good parenting skills often take training and
practice. It's normal to not instinctively know what to do. |
| Safer Child's
list of links for teaching, advocacy, and support |
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Preventing Abuse In
your community:
| Volunteer for a community, school-based or after-school
program. |
| Volunteer for, or donate to organizations that work to
prevent child abuse or neglect. |
| Fill a community need that you see -- by working for
legislative change, by working for community programs, or by developing your own program. |
| Volunteer for
Healthy Families America,
in which trained workers locate parents with certain risk factors and offer
parenting support |
| Teach,
Listen, Believe, Respond |
| Teach your children -- from the time they're old
enough to understand language -- that "no" means "no." If they don't want to
be tickled, hugged, stroked or patted, they're allowed to make the activity
stop. All they have to do is say "no" or "stop" and the activity has to stop
immediately.
It goes for them, it goes for you, it goes for family members, friends, and
pets. Teaching them this very simple step from an early age -- and making sure
that everyone follows it without fail -- helps to give your children the tools they need to
recognize people who don't accept the "no" or the "stop." |
| One book that can help educate children
about privacy is Those are MY Private Parts by Diane Hansen. Other similar books are available at
libraries and book stores. |
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